If I was not a Girl Guide


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If I was not a Girl Guide something else I'd like to be....
If I was not a Girl Guide a bus conductor I'd be:
You'd hear me all day long,
Singing this song:
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"

If I was not a Girl Guide something else I'd like to be....
If I was not a Girl Guide a washerwoman I'd be....
You'd hear me all day long,
Singing this song:
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
**"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"

If I was not a Girl Guide something else I'd like to be....
If I was not a Girl Guide a secretary I'd be....
You'd hear me all day long,
Singing this song:
"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!"
"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!"
**"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"

If I was not a Girl Guide something else I'd like to be....
If I was not a Girl Guide a farmer's wife I'd be....
You'd hear me all day long,
Singing this song:
"Oo, aar, oo, aar, look at that lovely muck!"
"Oo, aar, oo, aar, look at that lovely muck!"
**"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!"
"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"

If I was not a Girl Guide something else I'd like to be....
If I was not a Girl Guide an airline pilot I'd be....
You'd hear me all day long,
Singing this song:
"Flying Concorde, flying Concorde, in and out the clouds,"
"Flying Concorde, flying Concorde, in and out the clouds,"
**"Oo, aar, oo, aar, look at that lovely muck!"
"Oo, aar, oo, aar, look at that lovely muck!"
"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!
"Taking shorthand, taking shorthand, sitting on the boss's knee!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Wishy-washy, wishy-washy, hanging out the clothes!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"
"Any more fares, please? Any more fares, please? Pass right down the bus!"

Each verse is added to the next one - from the asterisks, the "parts" are sung all at the same time. Iff this is being sung as a campfire song, divide the singers up into blocks, each block taking the part of one "character" and everyone singing at once, but it it most effective as a "performance" song. The art of performing it lies entirely in the miming and most importantly, in the TIMING of the mimes.

Bus conductor : mime handing out tickets (leaning over each time to avoid fisherman, farmer's wife and pilot) and on "Pass right down the bus" straighten up and sweep arm in an arc horizontally.
Washerwoman : mime pegging out washing along a line and at "hanging out the clothes" bend down to "pick up" more "washing" from "basket" when bus conductor's arm and pilot sweep overhead - stand up again as soon as arm and "plane" have passed over. Secretary : mime typing, and on "sitting on the boss's knee" dip and "sit" in the air (mime pencil and notepad) as bus conductor's arm and "plane" passes overhead.
Farmer's Wife : mime digging movement (throwing "muck" everywhere) and at "look at this lovely muck" mime tossing with a fork, narrowly missing anyone else nearby - varying the direction of throwing the "muck" can add to the effect!
Pilot : zoom around other characters with outstretched arms, timing it to pass over as each one bends, stoops, sits etc. It is VERY important to rehearse this one well!!